Disney for Dummies

So, it was that time of year again...time to pack up the kids, gas up the mini van and set out in high hopes of having a fun-filled family vacation!

Now, we are far past the baby stages of parenting, our kids are considerably easier to travel with these days so we figured it was time...time to bite the big one, time to rip off the band aid, time to go where we never had the guts to go before! It was time to take the kids to DISNEY WORLD!

So 3 state lines, 9 pit stops, 6 backseat brawls and a grand total of 14 hours of driving later we finally made it!

Now having not been there before ourselves, the husband and I had NO FLIPPING IDEA what we had gotten ourselves into...

So just in case you are living under the same rock we were and haven't toured the House of the Mouse for yourself just yet, here are just a few things we learned through our time at the Magic Kingdom....

#5 The "It's a Small World" ride, is by far, THE MOST ANNOYING ride EVER!!! This "magical" boat ride takes you on a trip around the world where tiny costumed, and might I add, slightly creepy mannequin children sing "It's A Small World" on a loop for the entire length of the ride! There came a point somewhere between Belgium and Switzerland when the thought of jumping out of the boat and making a quick get away became highly tempting!

#4 Almost every ride spits you out into a gift shop! Well played Walt...well played my friend! I see what you did there and so did my screaming children who almost convinced me to pay $24.99 for Minnie Mouse ears...but alas, we were too broke because we had to take out a second mortgage just to buy lunch at the Friar's Nook! So jokes on you Mickey Mouse!

#3 If you really want a fancy dining experience you can have a simply magical feast in Cinderella's Castle...or at least you could if you were on top of things and booked your reservation some 53 years in advance and either sold a kidney or handed over your first born!

#2 Apparently it is an unspoken rule that in order to tour the Magic Kingdom one must spend yet another small fortune and have matching t-shirts made for the whole family! These shirts must all be the same color and include the following: the iconic mouse ears, the year of your visit and in the trademark Disney font specify whether you are Mommy Mouse, Daddy Mouse or a little Mouseketeer. I mean honestly...I just feel like it was an epic victory that none of my kids lost a shoe!

#1 And by far the most disappointing discovery of all....THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO ALCOHOL TO BE FOUND IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM!!!

The Pirates of the Caribbean sing about RUM but there's none to be found, believe me, I looked! How can you honestly call yourself the happiest place on Earth and not sell WINE or at least a Mickey Margarita?!?! Would've made the "It's a Small World" ride slightly more tolerable...I'm just sayin'!

So in conclusion, we came, we saw, we conquered our first trip to Disney World! I will say as stressful and exhausting as it was, at the end of the day, when you huddle up with your kids and husband and watch the lights and fireworks over Cinderella's castle, (in our case in the pouring rain), and you look up and see the wow and the wonder on your little girls face, well then it's all worth it!

...until you realize you have to make the 14 hour trip BACK home!