Simply Honest Mom Confessions

5 more Simply Honest Mom Confessions to add to my list of accomplishments that will, by no means, be landing me the MOTHER OF THE YEAR award anytime soon, however, this is my story, it's what my children will look back one day and say "Love her heart, at least she tried..." I can only pray they won't be sitting in a therapist office when they say that....

So here goes....

#5- I HATE Kid songs....I even hated them as a kid myself, I found them to be repetitive and redundant and just opted out of the nonsense...So the first song I taught my son was about a little Bullfrog named Jeremiah, he was a good friend and if you're not offended by the fact that he had some mighty fine alcoholic beverages, it's actually a great song for all the boys and girls, even the fishes in the deep blue sea!

Some Mommies sing Raffi...this Mommy sings Three Dog Night, I personally don't see an issue with that!

#4- I never corrected my kids when they said things wrong...it was just too darn cute and I didn't want it to end...as a result I have a 7 year old that still calls her bathing suit a "Baby Soup" and a 5 year old that still calls lamps "lanterns"!

You just can't correct that kind of CUTE!!!

#3- My girls are convinced that the only reason I'm not married to Prince William is because their Daddy asked me first!

#2- My children have impeccable timing of losing teeth when I have absolutely no cash on hand, so since leaving a personal check or my credit card under their pillow would kill the whole illusion of the tooth fairy I have stooped to use, what I refer to as, the R.T.F.D, aka the "Recycled Tooth Fairy Dollar"! Here's how it works...After the toothless child is good and asleep I sneak in their rooms, grab their piggy bank and stick my lobster claw up the pig's bum hole and grab the previous dollar the "tooth fairy" left and place it back under their pillow...(for like the 4-5th time). They wake up the next morning, grab their dollar, and shove it back in the pig, none the wiser and happy as can be!

Thus continuing the vicious cycle!

#1- Now, I don't know if I would consider this a confession or a tip...

So my girls are notorious for lallygagging after a bath, even after all the water has been drained. So I have discovered a sure fire way to speed up the process, (it takes a little acting skill on the parents part but I have found it to be highly effective)...so after me telling them multiple times to GET OUT of the tub and after they have ignored my directions for the ump-teenth time...I use "Operation Arachnid"...this is when you throw a horrified look on your face, raise a shaky hand, point right above their heads and scream "SPIDER!!!!!!!!!"

Let me tell ya, they will not only vacate the tub, they will run screaming out of the bathroom and if you don't catch them in time, out the front door...NAKED!!!

But hey, just like that BOOM, Mission Accomplished!!!!